Yesterday I called the rest of my siblings because they were all together with our Dad. My littlest sister, who is one and a half, didn't say much but apparently was listening very intently to the receiver. My other little sister got a ukulele for Christmas. My brother and I were relating about wanting to live alone. I told him I was looking at buying a trailer, which I think is a great idea. I am really excited about it and thats the truth. To this he responded that maybe I should... dundundun... get a job.
No matter how many times they tell me, its not enough. Its no wonder I avoid holidays with them. I wasn't complaining about not having money, I wasn't saying that I didn't have any other choice. Recently, I had a very sad and messy falling out with my housemate and best friend of four years. I am incredibly heart broken and on top of that I have to move out of my lovely room. To his credit, my brother didn't know this part, but I still don't understand the need for him to keep telling me the same thing. As if I didn't hear it the last time. As if I can't take care of myself. As if I've ever asked him if I could borrow money. Why does he feel entitled to suggest to me how I should live my life?
My response was that I take that suggestion as him thinking that what I am doing now is not worth while. My music is not worth while? So it just really hurts. Even if he did think that, I still wouldn't get (his idea of a) job. I'm doing what makes me happy and my family puts this value on it based on how much money it makes me. If I needed advice on how to make a load of money I would ask them. As it is I'm looking to live my dreams and be happy and make other people happy. In that, I will certainly not ask their advice... I think I'm better off than they are in that department. So their constant disapproval of how I live my life is one of three things:
1. Jealousy. (It's not fair that she should live her dream if I can't.)
2. Doubt. (She can't possibly make her own way and needs help to survive.)
3. Confusion. (How could she possibly be happy if she is not making a lot of money?)
Maybe its none of these and maybe its all three. Or maybe they are all just really concerned about me and want to help. Who knows. I'm just really tired of justifying my choices. What do I have to do to prove myself? Apparently three years of living off of my music alone is not enough.
To be clear... I HAVE A JOB! I don't just sit around all day strumming my guitar. I WISH! When I play a show I play for maybe an hour. That's the work that everyone sees. The thing is, I'm not just a musician. I have a few jobs. I am a booker, promoter, manager, personal assistant, designer, roadie, and so on and so on and so on. So guess what bro, I took your advice. I got a job! I got it 5 years ago and I still have it. I work really hard and I love it. It makes me so happy that I want to keep doing it FOREVER!