Cover of "Single Ladies" by Beyonce! (video)

I've been wanting to do this for so long. I finally did it. I've been at it all day. I am still in my pajamas from the waist down... but you can't tell, so shh.

Fruit Leather.

I've been working on this song for way too long. It's been so frustrating. I don't know what I did to make it so hard for myself. It's not even very involved... though its been through many stages... some of which were more complicated. I don't know if it will go on the album for good but I thought I would share anyway. I'm hoping that the reason I'm not crazy about it is because I've been listening to it in its various forms for days and not because its not very good. Let me know what YOU think and if you think it should go on Awkward Like Cut Melon.

Boxing Day (Get a job.)

My mother and I spent Boxing Day the way all patriotic Canadians do. We went shopping. For someone who hates shopping its a nightmare. I got claustrophobic. My mother got a lamp. 

Yesterday I called the rest of my siblings because they were all together with our Dad. My littlest sister, who is one and a half, didn't say much but apparently was listening very intently to the receiver. My other little sister got a ukulele for Christmas. My brother and I were relating about wanting to live alone. I told him I was looking at buying a trailer, which I think is a great idea. I am really excited about it and thats the truth. To this he responded that maybe I should... dundundun... get a job. 

No matter how many times they tell me, its not enough. Its no wonder I avoid holidays with them. I wasn't complaining about not having money, I wasn't saying that I didn't have any other choice. Recently, I had a very sad and messy falling out with my housemate and best friend of four years. I am incredibly heart broken and on top of that I have to move out of my lovely room. To his credit, my brother didn't know this part, but I still don't understand the need for him to keep telling me the same thing. As if I didn't hear it the last time. As if I can't take care of myself. As if I've ever asked him if I could borrow money. Why does he feel entitled to suggest to me how I should live my life? 

My response was that I take that suggestion as him thinking that what I am doing now is not worth while. My music is not worth while? So it just really hurts. Even if he did think that, I still wouldn't get (his idea of a) job. I'm doing what makes me happy and my family puts this value on it based on how much money it makes me. If I needed advice on how to make a load of money I would ask them. As it is I'm looking to live my dreams and be happy and make other people happy. In that, I will certainly not ask their advice... I think I'm better off than they are in that department. So their constant disapproval of how I live my life is one of three things:

1. Jealousy. (It's not fair that she should live her dream if I can't.)

2. Doubt. (She can't possibly make her own way and needs help to survive.)

3. Confusion. (How could she possibly be happy if she is not making a lot of money?)

Maybe its none of these and maybe its all three. Or maybe they are all just really concerned about me and want to help. Who knows. I'm just really tired of justifying my choices. What do I have to do to prove myself? Apparently three years of living off of my music alone is not enough. 

To be clear... I HAVE A JOB! I don't just sit around all day strumming my guitar. I WISH! When I play a show I play for maybe an hour. That's the work that everyone sees. The thing is, I'm not just a musician. I have a few jobs. I am a booker, promoter, manager, personal assistant, designer, roadie, and so on and so on and so on. So guess what bro, I took your advice. I got a job! I got it 5 years ago and I still have it. I work really hard and I love it. It makes me so happy that I want to keep doing it FOREVER! 

Teaspoon Song

Recipe for Dec 23

1 full day (chopped)

1 teaspoon song

dash of disappointed feeling

2 computer screen weary eyes

1 large soft bed

1 episode of The Wire

oh... and butter

I worked on this one song for most of the day and its not even halfway, sort of, kind of, a little bit, maybe, in one way but not another way done. I think it might be awesome though... maybe. It's hard to tell at this stage. Still so much to do. This one could take me a week if I let it. Good thing I'm ahead of schedule. 

On the 25th my mother and I are going to go do good things for people in unfortunate situations so we're having our big dinner tomorrow... not sure what it is we're celebrating since we're not at all religious. I'll be celebrating food. I'm going to make coq au vin, wish me luck. We're having mom's home made creme brulee for dessert. Oh and all that fancy cheese and wine and and and... I can't wait for that good hurt in my belly tomorrow night. Then I'll curl up and watch The Wire and sip digestive tea. 

Day 3: Song 3

It's Dec 22. It's the third day of Awkward Like Cut Melon. I just finished my third song. It reminds me of Twin Peaks... amazing. I think I might have to go watch an episode now. Oh Agent Cooper...

I'm excited about being productive. It's been really fun but I also almost broken into tears a few times today. Pro Tools can be tricky. I think I'm figuring it out though. The hard part will be coming up with 7-10 more song ideas. Tomorrow I want to work on writing a song with a bridge. I'm really bad at it. I never write them but I love them when I hear them in other songs. A little break in the pattern... and when it goes back to the verse or chorus again its totally exciting. I'm such a nerd. Like totally.

To download these songs for free or for money go HERE.

Molecules

It's possible that what I really need 

is someone who will fall apart.  

Thats what you've got in me.  

I'm pretty sure that you wouldn't be the kind 

of mess that I really need  

no matter how you tried.  

If an organism wants to grow 

it's molecules have to split. 

Thats like me and you. 

We're like molecules.  

If I try for something then I might be let down, 

and you might be right. 

I'm an impossible girl to be around.  

I can't face anyone that knows me well. 

What if I can't hide it? 

What if they can tell?

If an organism wants to grow 

it's molecules have to split. 

Thats like me and you. 

We're like molecules.

Awkward Like Cut Melon - Song 1 and 2

Yesterday morning... well... afternoon... I decided to use this snowy time I have to be productive. As tempting as it is to stream episodes of various mind numbing television programs, I think this is a better idea. The idea is to write and record an entire album all by myself. This is my first attempt at recording. I'm going to try to stretch my boundaries and write songs that are different from my usual. It's been a day and a half and I have two songs. I'm trying not to fool myself, I know the first ones will be the easiest. After 3 or 4 I will run out of melodies and lyrics and I'll want to pull my hair out. 

This project is inspired by my sister's 31 Songs in 31 Days project last January.

I will blog daily... or most days anyway about my experience working on the album. When I have a song finished, I will post it. I have two... so here they are. Oh, and the album is called Awkward Like Cut Melon which comes from some awkward onstage banter at my most recent show.

I played "1234" for my mother and she said it was good for having done it all by myself. Great Mom. Great.

You can download these songs for free or for money HERE.

Nevereverevereverever

Don't you tell me you don't remember the good times that we had Like the time I painted the bathroom green and our late night snacks I know that you don't care You don't care about about anything else Oh no

Don't you tell me you don't remember the promises we made to each other Like how you'd never give up on me nevereverevereverever I know that you think of nothing you think of nothing else Oh no

Don't you tell me you don't remember the things I've done for you Like the time I gave you that scarf even though I wanted it too I know you asked for nothing You asked for nothing less Oh no

1234

1 carpet of dandelions. 2 much but I swear im tryin. 3 weeks and I can see the future. 4 black and white photobooth pictures. 5 days that I'm back before I leave again. 6 weeks since I left but I've seen you since then. 7 times my record I feel pressured by the plan. Help me count past seven and I'll give you all I can. You said 'don't be ridiculous' but i can't be any less. You've never dared to over react. I just want to see you get mad. You said to take care of myself but i stayed up way too late.

I ate too many cookies and I gave myself a stomach ache.

(CHORUS) Im in love with anyone that I've ever loved right now. Even though i've never been, I am sad now that they're gone. The people that i miss the most right now are the ones that i don't know. I don't have their numbers or I'd call them on the phone.

(CHORUS x2)